In Memory of Memorial Day

Note: This post first appeared May 31, 2010.  

Memorial Day, the unofficial start of summer.  Labor Day through today, our neck of the woods is relatively quiet.  All of that will change now.  We are surrounded by a minimum of 13 large lakes and countless ponds.  In the summertime the local population of this rural community triples as summer 'residents' head up to enjoy their beautiful waterfront properties.  Traffic also increases greatly.  Off season, fewer cars pass by our home. John and I have at times counted no more than 4 cars a half an hour.  This is the 3 day holiday weekend families look forward to when they can bring the boat up, open their camps, and enjoy getting out on the lake. This year the weather is absolutely perfect for boating, swimming, barbecues etc...

I celebrated Memorial Day very differently as a child.  It wasn't about cook outs and it wasn't about 3 day weekends.  It did not always fall on a Monday. Memorial Day meant taking a trip to the cemetary with my mother, cleaning debris from the place where my father rests, bringing the plants and geraniums that she had cared for over the winter, and planting them around his headstone. It was about me planting 'Forget Me Not' flowers there.  It was a very serious, somber time.  We checked to be sure that the American Legion had faithfully put an American Flag in the wrought iron holder to honor all the veterans buried there.  My father was one of them.  Memorial Day also always meant driving over to Portsmouth, NH to stand on Richards Avenue and watch the parade go by.  Usually there was some member of our family marching in it.  A few times I proudly marched by while the camera snapped away, taking pictures of me first as a Brownie, then a Girl Scout, and eventually as a member of the Portsmouth Clipper Band.  There was on instant gratification of seeing the photos right away.  The film itself had to be delievered to the camera store, and we had to wait for several days for it to develop.  And waiting for those photos was always exciting to me! I have black and white photos of my brother now deceased, marching in the Drum and Bugle Corp.  And photos of my sisters kids marching thru the years too. In later years, after John and I got married - the tradition continued in his hometown too, when our own children marched in the Memorial Day parades; Brownies, Cub Scouts, Baseball Teams etc. 

Once the Memorial Day parade passed by our family would follow it into the historic, expansive South End cemetary, and find a shady spot under a huge maple tree to stand or sit.  Each group participating in the parade would stand at attention around the small pond in the middle. Flags blowing in the wind, Veterans of Foreign Wars standing proudly, hats removed, and the local clergy delivering a message. The Daughters of the American Revolution stood soberly among the participants. Each person placed their right hand over their heart and the crowd recited in one accord the Pledge of Allegiance. ( Each person.)  Everyone bowed their heads respectfully and prayed the Lord's Prayer in unison without issue. (Everyone.)  One of my most treasured memories of 'celebrating' Memorial Day is in the way this service closed. 

Throughout the expansive cemetary uniformed Buglers stood waiting.  A 21 gun-salute was fired off over the pond.  Placed strategically and discreetly, unless you knew what was about  to happen you would not have noticed them.  At a specific point in the program, the first Bugler standing closest to the officials raised his instrument and began to play the first part of "Taps".   The next Bugler, positioned farther away, picked up where the first one had left off.  And on it went until the closing notes were played way in the distance, echoing on the wind, for all to hear. To write about that here and now, evokes for me the impact and the true meaning of what Memorial Day 'is'. 

For me, the barbecues and the three day weekends to kick off summer never quite had the same effect. Even with growing up on a beach.  I wonder now as I look back if our children understood why it was such a solemn celebration to me.  But in later years our family did use the weekend as an excuse to open the pool up, and invite our friends over for a cookout in the afternoon following the parade. 

Now the task remains each year for John and I to go the gravesites of our parents - none of whom are living. We usually do this together but in reverence and quietness.  Sometimes when I plant the "Forget Me Nots' on my dad's grave I have a real difficult time. It helps to remind me though how short life really is and how important it is not to say meanspirited things to the people you love.  Sometimes you don't get a chance to tell them you didn't mean it.  I think my dad understood the importance of respect and honor between parent and child and intended to get a point across to me about it once.  I was really young and was acting up, being fresh and rude.  I don't know what I said but it must have really been awful.  I do remember what he said back though:  "Ann, I'm your father and it is wrong to speak to me that way. Someday you'll be going to the cemetary to put flowers on my grave."   He made his point because I ran into his arms crying and asking him to forgive me.  Planting "Forget Me Nots" reminds me of many things, including the power of forgiveness.  Take care and God Bless you and yours this Memorial Day 2010 (2014).  John, Ann and All Things Brittany

Life With Newnee (Total Knee Replacement)

"Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up on wings of eagles.
They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31



So my physical therapist said she can't say that there was ever a patient before who actually gave a name to their knee following a TKR (total knee replacement).  She also advised me I may want to refrain from talking to it (him? her?) when people were around as they may think it was a little strange. But in the days and weeks following my surgery I have come to understand a sense of humor definitely helps. I have also have to accept that for better or worse, my life currently revolves around what is best for this new bionic body part. So this blog post is about "Newnee".

After much preparation and planning for Newnees arrival, she literally joined me on April 15th 2014. I questioned her gender of course at first but decided she would need to be of the feminine type for obvious reasons. A female knee for a woman.  Of course the knee replacements are not gender specific but I for one most definitely am. You need to realize too that as I share this little story there is a need for me to take medication that will allow for me to get through the necessary physical therapy exercises with as little pain as possible.  That shall be my excuse for taking a little liberty in creative writing which could possibly drive my dear editor friend crazy!

Total knee replacement is major surgery.  The time it takes for full recovery is upwards to a year or longer. There are many goals and successes along the way. But in all honesty I have found that life after Newnee is perhaps one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced in my life. I am only 5 1/2 weeks out from my surgery. Even with the outstanding preparation afforded by the total joint replacement team responsible for the surgery nothing could have prepared me for the reality of living with Newnee. 

I was advised not to watch any TKR videos prior to the surgery itself.  I am glad I took that advice.  After being home for a couple of weeks I did a search on YouTube and found many films of the procedure. The one I decided to watch actually was set to instrumental music which was a good thing. It blocked the sound of the drills which is another story in itself. I watched for about 4 minutes.  I shut it off when I saw what could only be described as a huge auger with a huge drill bit brought in. I say this because I know there are people who really do not understand the severity of this surgery. Basically my leg was sawed in half, all of my knee including the knee cap removed, tendons and muscles cut, Newnee inserted and attached, and then everything stitched back up together. That is pretty severe.

I was in the hospital for about 4 days and after that I came home. John continues to go above and beyond in not only caring for me but in making sure our house is safe for me to move around in.  He rearranged the dogs, x-pens, and crates inside of the house so that wherever I walked there would be no fear of falling because of them.  That's been hard for me because I love being around my dogs. John transformed my office area into a temporary dog room and everyone is happy.  There has only be one of our dogs who has been allowed to be by my side constantly and that is Treasure.  She truly understands the need of no jumping and of being gentle.

32 staples were removed from Newnee at 2 weeks.  A wonderful physical therapist has come to visit me several times a week.  I have a specific set routine of exercises which are necessary to do twice a day.  Newnee found the exercises to be very difficult and challenging at first but now she is doing much better. The exercises are all about increasing the bend (flexion) in Newnee. Right after the surgery and while I was still out from the anesthesia the surgeons did a total and complete bend to be sure that Newnee worked. Now it is up to me to keep her working with the exercises.  The day after surgery my bend was 70 degrees. The day I left it was 90.  At five weeks I have gotten Newnee to flex at a 112 degrees a time or two but she is happier at 109. The pain involved is great but it is manageable.  The more Newnee is worked the better she is.  Sometimes Newnee is barely detected when I walk across the room. Other times I have to make a very concentrated effort for Newnee to work properly. But I'm progressing and I'm doing great and will continue to do so.

Speaking of walking.  Prior to my surgery I endured 4 years of severe osteoarthritis, bone on bone.  Thanks to repetitive injections of Synvisc-1 into my knee I was able to have several months where flexibility and pain were at a minimum. But that all came to an end last fall when I reached the point of no return.  I could barely walk across the room and as a result became increasingly immobile.  To do anything physical was to force myself. Yes, I know oh poor pitiful me. But I was no longer participating at any level in the things that bring so much enjoyment to my life. My orthopedic surgeon knew that I had to reach the point of decision about TKR all on my own.  He had said once I arrived there he'd set things in motion, and he did.  By the Grace of God, everything fell into place perfectly so I did not have very long to wait. Other than a nasty flu which hit 1 week prior to surgery so it was rescheduled. Even so that was perfect timing as I could be home for Thistle puppies and for 4 weeks afterwards.

There's so much to share about this journey. I don't know if this is a one time shot at writing about it or I'll actually find the time to elaborate further. Quite honestly I've not felt like writing at all or really doing much on the computer, with email, Facebook etc. Every day is truly like a roller coaster ride. I know I am going forward and that Newnee is in place.  Some mornings I get up and the flexibility is there in Newnee, the swelling has gone down, pain minimal and little stiffness. So I get up and do my exercises, walk around, and try to do some normal things. But then by the end of that day I may only be able to sit in the recliner with my leg elevated and knee on ice. Or it could be completely opposite. Fatigue comes in waves. I am grateful to have Netflix.

But I have gone from walker, to cane, to walking without a cane.  I need the cane though, don't get me wrong. And there are times I reach for the walker just to be sure my walk is balanced and to avoid developing a gimp/limp again. I have limped for so many years now and Newnee and I are retraining the rest of my body not to do it.  Part of my recovery involves riding a stationary bike. We had one given to us but the tension was so extreme it sent me into orbit just to go around once. Another good friend (they have the Best Brittany in the World) is loaning us a recumbent bike which I know is going to be so much easier for me.

MY EXPECTATIONS (Releasing them to the Lord... or as a sister in Christ said "believing, deep breath, in, and out...relax ,keep putting in the work and release YOUR expectations to He that made you, your healing will take what it takes, it will be full and completed in its own time. promise."
I always talk about the pups going home as the first day of the rest of their life. Well, Newnee brought with her the first day of the rest of my life.  I envision days afield once more in the future. I see walking alongside of John once again training our beloved dogs, going hunting, enjoying our life together. Maybe I can be more of a help to him around here too.  When a friend comes to visit and she runs to me because she's happy to see me, I will be able to her as well.  I picture myself handling my own Holly Beth in field and show events.  I have a view of helping our daughter and our granddaughter both learn about showing. I will be able to rejoin the worship team at church.  Julie and I will hit the dog show circuit again in time.  I see clearly into the future and it is bright and positive. So for me to walk successfully around the perimeter of our yard with just a cane is like winning a 5 mile marathon. And who knows, maybe not for the win but for the very act of doing such a thing. Of trying. Maybe there will be new things I have not done before and maybe I will pick up things I left behind. I do believe this is also a God thing.  He's got a purpose for my life and it won't be fulfilled unless I am up and running again!  I know that those who wait upon Him will renew their strength, they will mount up on wings as eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and they will not faint. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. And I know I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me.  In all of this I am feeling so loved and so blessed.

One day at a time sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking of You.

Thanks for listening... and as always God bless you and yours. 
Ann

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