Having just updated the Brittany club's website, checking in on Facebook I decided to take a few minutes and look at a few live feeds of Maine based blogs that I enjoy following. Our friend Karen Norteman has a really great one called Dog Show Newbie and she just posted about her recent trip and success to Canada with her beautiful Bearded Collie. Another blog I follow is Mannerly Mutts. One feature they have is "The Good and The Worrisome" blog list and our very own Maine Hunting and Sporting Dog Owners has been listed in the "The Good" category often in the past. Another blog of interest is Time 4 Dogs . These are just a few of several that I follow. When visiting another blogger's site I enjoy taking a look at the particular blogs they follow or recommend. Such was the case this morning when I landed on a blog called Silence Isn't An Option (Crisis Management). The post itself is over a year old but I read it with interest and the links that followed. The title itself resulted in an interesting yet complex outflow of my thoughts. Read on if you dare!
I am a perfect blend of my parents in the way I react to situations. My mother was extremely polite, respectful, and considerate of all people, to the point where she often had her feelings hurt because she did not speak up often for what she believed in. I never heard anyone speak ill of her. She was definitely not a respector of a person's wealth, position, education or anything thereof. She viewed everyone on the same level. My mother was a "NICE" person all the time. My dad was also a good soul. Although he died when I was young his fairness and kindness towards other people shaped my behavior tremendously. He taught me being nice does not mean to sugar coat my words or sweeten ulterior motives, although some people view niceness this way. Dad showed it is possible to be nice while remaining strong, adamant and unwavering about issues one feels passionate about, those things that bring about a 'fire in the belly'. He understood about conflict management but mum did not through no fault of her own. Besides, I doubt that term was even in existance back then.
A recent post here alluded briefly to critical thinking skills. I went back and deleted the reference out of concern that it could be unwise to point so clearly and precisely towards a particular situation. Speaking of conflict, this same matter continues to evolve into a greater concern. Mum would have me be polite and advise 'don't say anything, it won't do any good, they won't listen anyway.' And she'd be absolutely right. (They didn't.) My dad would say 'if anyone can help them out, guide them and educate them, you'd be the one to do it, in a way only you can do it'. This was also the response of a very good friend of ours when I consulted him about a sanity check regarding my perception of things. In fact I have been so conflicted I reached out and consulted several experts and experienced individuals with cumulative years of professional experience regarding 'my concerns.'
As the title suggests, I decided silence was not an option and found a way to very nicely address my specific and legitimate concerns in a passive and non-aggressive manner. There was polite communication however the effort proved to be futile. Nothing has changed and there has been little improvement. Why did I even bother?
But my dad would be proud of me and mum would understand as they were both experienced dog breeders and lovers of animals. They would know that I could not stand idly by and see certain things taking place, occurring, or being said without that fire in my belly rising up to the point where I could not contain it. As I get older I am learning to be more tactful in my approach. Although there are times when there is no time for tact, and a simply straight forward in your face no holds barrred approach is better. From what I understand, others employed this technique and with about as little success as I have had trying to communicate in my own way. I'm not alone in my concern. So it is back to minding my own business.
But it is good to openly address legitimate concerns in the best possible manner. There's always too sides to every story. Listening and speaking can all be done critically or uncritically when it comes to taking up the problems of life. Yet, in the end this particular issue is really NOT my problem and it certainly is NOT part of my life. Everyone has to simply decide the best way to freely express themself, arrive at a point where we believe we communicated a particular concern in a reasonable and reflective way. And always with their best interests at heart, in as much as it is possible. You can give someone a suggestion and advice, offering an opportunity for minor changes or adjustments, but you cannot force them to do it if they do not want to.
Heading out now for some well needed one on one ATB therapy, looking in the faces of the Brittanys I love and share my life with. Take care and God Bless, John, Ann and our canine crew.
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