J&A's Our Heart Aches

Really something special. 

A favorite toy, Julie kept an extra bunny-bun here at our house for Thistle to enjoy when she was visiting. 

GCH CH J&A's SISTERS OF THE HEART JH, FD

"Thistle"

May 10, 2011 - September 21, 2018

It was the same kind of phone call that I'd received on May 2, 2007 when the specialist called to tell me 2 year old Timberdoodle had died on the operating table.  Surreal was the only word that comes to mind. On that day I dropped to my knees in my kitchen floor as the words were uttered and sounds of sobbing came from me that I couldn't even recognize. 

On Friday September 21, 2018 it was that kind of call again.  Only this time it was coming from the one who is truly my sister of my heart and John was the one who'd answered the phone.  I saw him coming around the corner of the porch outside.  His face was one of shock and he was in tears. I KNEW something was terribly wrong. He reached to me and I drew closer and in his initial grief he was innocently giving me wrong information, information which was bad enough in itself. Information which caused me to begin to cry uncontrollably as well.  That's how it is when what you have loved deeply suddenly is ripped from you. Human or animal - grief is grief. 

I listened closely trying to make out the actual conversation on the other end from Julie. And suddenly I realized what she was saying. Which was much worse than what I 'thought' I'd heard, although that, as I said before, was certainly bad enough.

John passed the phone to me and I crumbled on the front porch steps, sobbing, howling, crying and the tears fell fiercely and uncontrollably. Pippin was drawing near to me in a manner in which she had never done before.  Could she know? How could she POSSIBLY know? It was her daughter, her beautiful amazing bouncy fun-loving unpredictable intelligent athletic gentle sweet daughter, her Thistle that Julie was telling me about.  And as I reacted to the awful news then Hemi who is Thistle's twin, came and sat next to his mother on the step that I had fallen upon.  John held me as I cried, we listened to Julie and then he had to walk away it was so hard to believe.  I was left on the steps with Pippin and Hemi; Julie and I were sobbing into the phone incoherently. I don't remember what we said if we said anything.  Together our hearts were breaking, they were shattering into a million pieces and our minds were trying so hard to grasp the reality of the news she had received, the news that Julie nor I could have anticipated hearing. 

There is more to say.  I just have no ability to put what I'm feeling now or what I have been feeling into words since Friday.  John and I had to leave for a field trial in Connecticut where he was judging and running Holly (Thistle's niece). The dogs were all loaded.  So while I physically was traveling to a destination we'd planned well for, my heart was longing to travel to be with Julie, my sister of the heart. (Thistle's registered AKC name reflects the friendship we share, a friendship birthed through the mutual love of God and of Brittanys.  A friendship that has grown stronger through several personal life changing experiences including the death of Julie's husband and our friend, Jim.)

Thistle lived with and was loved, cared for by Julie.  I'm co-owner in name only but I am her breeder. I held her first, I was with her when she took her first breath of air, I nourished her, I raised her and I decided that the best person in the world to have this little gift of a Brittany should be Julie. And the best way to describe my reasoning will be to read this blog written by Julie called "How a Brittany Named Thistle Saved My Life." Thistle lived her life to the fullest and I was one of her biggest fans! It was only a couple of weekends ago that Thistle was here and her eyes were bright, she was playful, and oh so very, very happy! So healthy and vibrant. So, so THISTLE!

I spent 3 days in Connecticut at Flaherty Field Trial Grounds with John and most of our Brittanys. Including my puppy Revere. There were a few in the Brittany community who had heard what happened to Thistle and I was VERY appreciative of their support and understanding.  We also had a wonderful visit with several of our ATB family including those who brought along Revere's littermate.  Then I was so happy to see Dawn who brought Miss Bailey (Pippin's half sister).  I was thankful for the genuine love and friendship extended from them all. John was very busy all weekend which was a good thing. And when I wasn't visiting or walking a dog, my grief overwhelmed me. I spent a lot of the time texting about Thistle and thinking of Julie who was up to her camp. Then we had a very good friend who fell off a horse at the field trial who had to go to the hospital. I was worried about her but thankful her injuries were not worse than they were. 

Today Julie and I have touched base a little bit. My heart aches for what she is going through. I feel it too, I feel for her and I feel our own sense of loss here.  Even though Thistle did not live with me, she was always part of me.  She was special from the very beginning. There's a video out there somewhere that I made and I'm singing a song to her when she's like 5 weeks old saying how special she was. Thistle spent plenty of time here with us.  We both absolutely adored her and we both enjoyed every moment with her. 

I could share a lot about Miss Thistle the Pistol.  A gazillion photographs are at my fingertips.  Here's a favorite taken at the dog show where Julie had her on the grooming table and I walked over for a sweet Thistle kiss. There's one where Thistle and Hemi cooperated along with Treasure to dig a humongous hole in the banking here. Videos featuring Thistle in many notable moments, and some hilariously funny! When I think of Thistle the memory is going to bring a smile to my face, eventually anyway. Like when she earned her nickname swirling dervish by launching herself across the room at Julie and I while we were drinking red wine which ended up splattered across the wall. 

Fast forward to this moment in time.  The pain in my heart is almost unbearable. I don't have anything inspirational to share. Please pray for Julie, for John, for me.  

On Behalf of Thistle is a blogpost that shares a little bit more and also includes links. 

A sad bunny-bun...

(See the unedited video of THISTLES CHAMPIONSHIP JOURNEY)