Reflections of Mother's Day

My "mum"

Mother's Day.  This day means many different things for all of us. For people like me whose mother is no longer living it can bring a renewed longing for what once was.  For those who have never been a mother it can be an uncomfortable day simply because of the emphasis placed upon the celebration.  But hopefully, for most people the celebration of Mother's Day is a special one spent with family and friends.  Our church typically would place a lot of emphasis on honoring all mother's in attendance in various ways through the years.  Often there was recogniztion given for the oldest mother, the mom with the most children, youngest mother, and the grandmother with the most grandchildren.  One year all the women in the church who are moms were invited to stand upon the church 'stage' and the congregation prayed for all of us and then we were each given a beautiful corsage. Going to church on Mother's Day was always special, whether a child or an adult.  When I was a little girl it was great fun to plant a flower seed in a paper cup and carefully nurture it from week to week in anticipation of giving it to my mom on Mother's Day.  Many years later I enjoyed being on the other end of this as my own children proudly presented me with little marigold seedlings growing in a little cup or placed in a handmade flower pot.  If I look through my prized possessions I am sure I could find one of the flower pots or two.  Through the years I also tried to make Mother's Day very special for my own mom.  Especially because my dad had passed away while I was pretty young so she was everything to me, all that I had for many years and I loved and respected her greatly.   There was the year that I celebrated my own first Mother's Day and she was there to be sure it was very special.  She even gave me an "Expecting to be a mother" Mother's Day card which I do still have.

Last night my own lovely daughter and her children came and picked me up and took me out to dinner.  I was reminded of how different our lives and times are.  She works over 40 hours a week, is always going here or there with her children, and barely has enough hours in her day to get enough sleep before getting up and doing it all over again.  She is a wonderful mother and I always tell her this.  She has a good husband who has often worked from home to take care of their children and who now works a night shift so he can be there during the day with the younger ones.  This is a sacrifice of their own special relationship. But time has a way of passing us by, and one day the two individuals who were there in the beginning - are once again a couple as the children are grown and on their own.  Our son and his wife have a beautiful family as well and I'm so glad everyone lives nearby. Our daughter in law is also a terrific mom.  The toughest Mother's Day for me was the one that followed my mom's death. If not for the love and sensitivity of John and our two then younger children it would have been even more difficult.  She's been physically gone from my life since 1990 and there are times I just miss her so very much.  Shortly after her death our 11 year old Golden Retriever had a stroke and had to be put to sleep.  I came running into the house crying, reaching for the phone and began to dial my mom's phone number.  She'd understand what I was going through. But of course I quickly remembered that she was not going to be there at the end of the phone.  Funny how I so clearly remember that.  My mum loved animals, all animals and I grew up with that same love and respect for them as well.  Any cat or dog that we ever had lived to have a long and healthy life. She let me raise rabbits, doves, and even at one time white mice (EWWWWW).  My mom had a green thumb and our home was full to overflowing with all kinds of house plants.  When she died I brought most of them home with me but few survived.  Her Christmas Cactus however is still thriving and in the capable hands of my daughter.  I hope someday to have a slip of that myself.  My moms outdoor gardens were simple but beautiful.  We lived very very close to the ocean and the salty sea air was good for all her flowers and ornamental trees. I do have some of her original Iris bulbs growing here at ATB and our daughter has some 'heritage' flowers growing at her home.  I should mention my mother in law here too.  While other people complained about theirs I could only smile and thank God for this woman who gave life to my husband and the love and special relationship the two of us shared.  'Nana" taught me necessary things like how to fold sheets and cook.  My mom always worked outside of the home to support us after my dad died so teaching me about domestic engineering was not possible.  Nana also was a positive influence on both of our children as we lived right next door. Not to say that was always fun - but it had it's benefits for sure. 

It's a cold, miserable, rainy day in Maine today.  John has been gone since yesterday to oversee things at the Maine Bird Dog Club Field Trial and will be home in just awhile.  Scooby spent the night with me last night and Rosie now lays at my feet.  This kind of weather causes flare ups of pain and stiffness that I hate to deal with. What a difference from a week ago when the temperatures were high 80's in NY!  So my rambling is my way of passing time today and a way of putting off the dreaded housework. UGH. And so my thoughts have turned to Mother's Day and to my mum. 

There are probably more than a few people in my life or sphere of influence who have not known what it's like to grow up with a firm foundation of love and security which is found through the nurturing, maternal instincts of a caring mother.  Through no fault of their own these are women who struggled, not only with the demands of motherhood, but of many other areas in their life. Either through sickness, disease, addiction, or circumstances of life something was broken inside of them and as a result it effected those around them who needed them to be whole.  I have known women on both sides of these issues and understand their pain even though I cannot relate to it.  In the past I have been involved with Christian ministries exclusively focused on helping to bring healing and reconcilliation to these broken relationships.  My heart aches for the daughters of women who have not known a mother's love, but my heart also aches for the mother whose daughter is cold and uncaring towards her.  I am not sure which pain is greater as they both live in their own private hell. There are many reasons and root causes for rejection to take hold in a relationship that SHOULD be the most important one in our lives.  Walking in wholeness and restoration is possible but it takes more than wishful thinking or generous gestures in hopes of compensating for what has been damaged or neglected.  It takes faith, forgiveness, humility and a deep desire to make all things new.  That's not something we get in our human strength or ability.  That is something freely given to us upon request by a loving, personal God who is only as far away as we can push Him.  For all those who hurt or who have less than a desirable parent/child relationship it does not have to remain that way. And for those of us who grieve the loss of a parent or a child, it is also in the arms of that same God that comfort is found. Always. No strings attached.  Only believe.

Happy Mother's Day to all of our All Things Brittany friends and family, God Bless, John, Ann and our canine crew!